My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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