Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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