i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
