I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
