Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
