totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
