whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
