Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Still dying that you shit outside
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
