After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
