i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
