Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
