I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Randomize
