Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
