i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
