my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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