I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
