I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
