went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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