I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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