My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
