he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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