tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
