Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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