I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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