i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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