Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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