That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
