I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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