ugly people sure do ruin things
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
