i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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