im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
