why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
