if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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