this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
