I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
