Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
