maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
