my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
