just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
