If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
