pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
