I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
