It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He felt like a one man threesome
I miss vodka workout Fridays
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
