He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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