He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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