I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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