i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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