I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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