never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
