meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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