I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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