you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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