Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
